Last time

This is the last time, you say
After the last time today.
Not even sure what I did
Nothing to hide, but my pain

You give a hundred reasons why
And say you're really gonna try
If I had a nickel for every time
I'd own the bank

Thought that I was the exception
I could rewrite your past
You were the greatest
But you'd rather contiue the chase

You don't even listen to what I say
'Cause the game you'd rather play
I try to make you see,
I'd rather not be the the one to say,
but sometimes it just is that way.
I don't want to be the bad guy,
I'd rather be on your side.

Wanna be your lover, and not you're fucking back up plan
Can't be your savior, I don't have the power

You say you have to do what's right,
Whatever, if it helps you sleep at night

You've become what you despise

You had the world in the palm of your hands
But your fucking choking

You should be my teammate
I thought I could change your fate
You say that you love me
But you don't ever show me.

All I do is try,
I'm sorry I can't be what you want,
Seems like all I do is cry.
All I want is for you to come back.

With this being the last blog I post on Facebook, I want to say thank you for those of you have read them and thank you for those who will continue to read them. Somethings in my life just need to change. I've tried all I could, I've given all my efforts, I'm out of answers.

If you're coming over to see my house please make an appointment....

Really I haven't had any thing to write about in the past few weeks. Even though my mind goes a mile a minute, it's been hard to actually sit down and write about anything. When you are a full time mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, and work full time, things can often get a little crazy. I often try and tell my self to calm down, to take it one day at a time. There are more important things in life, but like anything else, it's easier said than done. With having a three year old, you often wonder if you are doing the right thing, are you teaching them the skills they need to begin school, are you doing the right thing to make them ready for life. I guess we don't know the answers to these questions until the day they are actually grown and you can see the life they have created for themselves and the life you helped guide.

My sister and I are 5 years apart, so I remember her being little and when she did her first things. I remember when she was about 3 or 4, she started signing songs and I always thought it was hilarious that this little annoying person (at least that's what I thought she was at the time) could even know the words to the songs. Now as I became a parent and have a three year old, I remember these memories and it makes me sad a lot of times to think how big my son has gotten and that he is now going to form his own opinions, his own thoughts, his own likes and dislikes. Sometimes he knows more about current music than I do. He recently has come home and started signing songs from the radio that I have no clue who signs them. The songs I do know, I try to get for him and of course we listen to them at least 5 times on the way to and from school. So needless to say, I know all the words to I'm sexy and I know it.

You often hear things about "terrible twos", I don't believe a word of that. Not that three is a bad age, but it defiantly makes a person sit and think about the important things in life. He seems to make my days go by faster, he always makes me smile daily, he always pushes my buttons daily, and he always manages to make me yell at least once a day. I often have to take a step back and remember he still is little, he still can cry and need his Mommy, he still is not capable of explaining his every need or want. I think most of this is because he acts so much older than he actually is. Every day though he manages to teach me something new and makes me think about things in a different way.

As much as I write about addiction and about the things in my life that could be better, I always need to remember that there is the most amazing little boy who needs me, who wants me, who makes my life and every day events that much better.

I just wanted to end this with a quote that someone posted on Face book. I think it holds true to any mother. I realize that sometimes I am a little obsessive about cleaning and keeping things clean:

Dirty dishes prove I feed my family. Full trash can means I clean up after them. Messy floors mean I let my child have fun. Pile of unfolded laundry means I keep my family in clean clothes. Wet bathroom means my kid took a shower! So the next time you walk into my house and see a "mess" think twice before you judge. If you come over to see us, come on in...if you're coming over to see my house please make an appointment. 



You've become what you despise

If it's not one thing it another right? At least, that's the way it seems in my life right now. We've got one addiction taken care of for right now and in comes another. I feel like all I do is fight addiction for other people. It literally makes my stomach hurt. Recently, my son has come across music that he likes and one artist was Katy Perry. Never did I think that a song of hers would make me cry, but I was wrong. I've changed some of the words, for obvious reasons but this song fits perfectly.

This is the last time you say
After the last line you break
It's not even a holiday
Nothing to celebrate
You give a hundred reasons why
And say you're really gonna try
If I had a nickel for everytime
I'd overbank

Thought that I was the exception
I could rewrite your addiction
You could've been the greatest
But you'd rather get wasted
You fall asleep during the day
'Cause the pills you take are more your forte
I'm not sticking around to watch you go down

Wanna be your sister
Not your f****** mother
Can't be your saviour
I don't have the power
I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain
Watch you circle the drain

You say you have to write your rhymes
Whatever helps you sleep at night
You've become what you despiseA stereotype
You think you're so rock and roll
But you're really just a joke
Had the world in the palm of your hands
But you f****** choked

Should've been my team mate,
Could've changed your fate,
You say that you love me
You won't remember in the morning