Starting Over

We're slowing settling into our new life in Illinois, well I really should say I'M settling into the new life here. My husband and son settled in before we even got here. I won't lie, I've had my ups and downs and there are days worse than others. There are some days where I think to myself "What the hell did I do?" I left a job that I loved, I left my brother and the rest of my family. But then I sit back and I think about my nieces and nephews and how good this is for my son and husband and it seems to get a little better. Even as I sit here and write just these few lines, I start to cry. I've never been this far away from home, I've only been separated by a few miles not a few states. I've recently had a few interviews for jobs and one of the questions that was asked to me was what is the most difficult decision you've had to make and without hesitation I said "Moving to Illinois." If it wasn't for the love and support from my husband's family here, I don't think I could have done this. I might have already been begging for my job back and on a plane home.

In moving here though, I did find out who is truly our family and friends. I know that some people weren't happy about us moving, but they supported us and gave us the guidance that we needed. Some people became bitter and don't seem to understand why we chose to move. I never thought I would see the day when someone would stop talking to me and/or treating me the same way because of choice I made to better our family. Some days, I do think was this really better for our family, but at the end of the day and the help of friends and family it's said to me "I am where I'm suppose to be." It makes my heart heavy to think that we may loose contact with some people because of this choice but at least we know who really would be there for us in the end.

I did recently get a job at an organization called Macon Resources. It seems like an amazing place to work and reminds me a lot of my previous job in Arizona. Macon Resources is a non-profit agency that provides comprehensive services that promote growth, independence, and self worth in children and adults with disabilities.They also run a local pet shelter here, that I may be able to help with. Even with this job, I got into a little funk, because I had to start at the bottom again. I just felt like I'm starting over with everything and it makes me very anxious. I took a very large pay cut by taking this job, which means the way I had become used to living has gone out the door. I know this sounds awful and at the end of the day what matters most is that we have a roof over our head, food on the table, and happiness, but it still is a worry I have in the back of my head.

I know this is starting to sound a little depressing, so maybe I should bring up the positives of us moving here. Jaidyn was accepted into the pre-k program at the school he will be going to once he starts kindergarten. He gets to ride a bus and everything, he is very excited about that. I, on the other hand, am not very excited about the bus ride. But I was assured that in small towns the bus driver takes very good care of the kids and to make things even better it drops him off and picks him up right in front of our house. The daycare that he will be going to after school is right across from our house and the lady is very nice and Jaidyn seems to like it over there. He has also gotten to experience things he probably would have never gotten to in Arizona. He has experienced being able to play with his older cousins, he's caught his first fish, he's been on a boat at the lake, he's experienced grass, big fires, and so much more. I really do think he will love it here and grow up with a good outlook on life.

Once again, I can't thank my husband's family (I should really stop calling them his family, because they are mine too) for being so supportive and welcoming to me and for helping me with everything from moving here, to fixing up our house, to babysitting Jaidyn when I needed someone to watch him, and for just being there for me. Although, it will never fill the hole in my heart from leaving so much behind in Arizona, it is a pretty good band-aid. For now, all I can do is continue on the path I'm given and lean on the support I do receive.

Jaidyn and his beautiful, smart, and very kind cousin Kayla, without her and her being so helpful in watching Jaidyn, I couldn't have gotten a job. Words can't describe how wonderful Kayla is!

Kayla, Lane, and Jaidyn on his first boat ride.