I guess shit happens

I guess life throws things at you so that you learn from them, at least that's what I've been told. Lately I feel like the things that have been thrown at me don't teach me anything but that there is no guarntee in life and the only person you can really count on and depend on is yourself. I find myself thinking about the things that have happened in my life and think I can only take so much. My heart can only take so many holes. Recently another hole was created and I don't know how to fix it.

I know that maybe I'm over sensitive and it shouldn't effect my life the way it does, but I can't help it. I try to be the best person I can be and lately this has been tested and don't know how long I can keep my mouth shut. Every day, I am tested again and try to put a smile on my face and accept the fact that this was the life that was given to me and the life I chose. I chose to help people, I chose to become attached, I chose to love, but why do I have to be punished for loving and helping someone too much?

I often am a good judge in charater and good judge on things that will happen. I knew that it would and I try to speak my up and no body takes me serious. I'm not sure how much more I can take mentally and physcially. I think what hurts me more is that it effects my son, it's always harder on the parent but it still effects him and it breaks my heart.

I am thankful for the friends and family that I do have, but it's always going to be hard for me now to trust and to open up to anyone. I feel like I have to put a barrier between someone and my heart. I can only do so much and I guess that I have done all that I can. I can only hope that in time it will be okay and my heart will heal.